In the gospel, Mark 10:46-52, Bartimaeus cries out "have pity on me" and then when Jesus asks him what he wants, he says, "I want to see." I think of all the times I have cried those very words. How many times have I cried those words, in way or another, imploring, pleading, begging "please, let me see what I am to do, what am I to say, where am I to go, what is the plan? "
And sometimes, I get an answer and other times I am not so sure. Or, I get an answer, but I don't like it.
Jesus tell Bartimaeus, "Your faith has saved you." Why then, do I struggle with believing that for myself? Jesus saves me from our whatever I am lacking if I believe with the faith I profess I have.
My eternal struggle, is living out in my daily life that truth that it is in me.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Graduate School
Since January of 2006 I have been enrolled in an extension program of Loyola University of New Orleans. It is called LIMEX, Loyola Institute for Ministry, Extension. I am almost done. Almost done meaning I have to write a 35 to 40 page paper, a synthesis - praxis paper which will help me see my ministry more clearly and enable me to mobilize my learnings into a coherent and focused practice. This is a pretty tall order and most days I'm sure I'm not up to it at all. This week, though I started thinking more about the paper. Well, maybe not so much the paper, but how my life has changed since I began this program.
I am no longer a religious education director but the stewardship director.
My children no longer live at home. My son has graduated college and is about to start a new job while my daughter is still in college.
My husband has changed careers after a long stretch without full time employment and he has entered the diaconate program.
My grandmother died, my husband's grandmother died, my dad had quadruple by-pass surgery, and my dear friend has had cancer twice.
I am not the person I was when we began. The things I've mentioned are just the beginning; I have to yet to determine how these events have impacted the way in which I function as a "professional minister."
I know that I am more compassionate, listen better, and care more deeply for others. I have more knowledge about the church, scripture, and theology. However, the most important thing I have learned is that trust in God's unending love, grace, and mercy is what got me through the tough spots on the list above.
The task now, is to blend my life, ministry, and lessons into one paper that ties it up neatly. No small task, but I must persevere.
I am no longer a religious education director but the stewardship director.
My children no longer live at home. My son has graduated college and is about to start a new job while my daughter is still in college.
My husband has changed careers after a long stretch without full time employment and he has entered the diaconate program.
My grandmother died, my husband's grandmother died, my dad had quadruple by-pass surgery, and my dear friend has had cancer twice.
I am not the person I was when we began. The things I've mentioned are just the beginning; I have to yet to determine how these events have impacted the way in which I function as a "professional minister."
I know that I am more compassionate, listen better, and care more deeply for others. I have more knowledge about the church, scripture, and theology. However, the most important thing I have learned is that trust in God's unending love, grace, and mercy is what got me through the tough spots on the list above.
The task now, is to blend my life, ministry, and lessons into one paper that ties it up neatly. No small task, but I must persevere.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Random Thoughts
1. Somehow we have arrived in the month of October. I truly have no idea how, because I am still working on June's to-do list. I have fallen far off the path in my prayer life, exercise, personal time, basically everything that nurtures me. And why, how did this happen? All the needs of others and work suffocated me to the point that I was always anxious and slightly depressed.
2. As I was trying to deal with that, some great things happened. My husband got a permanent teaching job at a local high school and we went on a short vacation. Our son and his girlfriend temporarily stayed with us and now both have found new places to live. So, now our nest is empty again. I'll miss them, but I do enjoy being alone with my husband. In some ways it makes us feel very young again.
3. Through all of this, I am constantly wondering what the higher purpose is in the trials we go through and why things change so often. Each change has a domino effect. Since my husband is working full time now, I have to do housework. Thankfully he still goes grocery shopping. It's not that I am incapable of doing housework, but now I have to think about it and remember to do it.
4. Sometimes I think God's plan is to teach me humility, other times I think it is trust. I think trust in him is so important and really that is what sustains me and tells me to not lose hope, even when that seems like the best option.
5. This week I am going to Dallas for a Stewardship conference. It will also be an opportunity for some quiet time and prayer time. There is daily Mass, excellent speakers, and time to meet new people. It renews in me a sense of purpose in regard to my ministry, which is always a good thing.
6. Someone said that in our course of study over the last 3 1/2 years she has learned that there is no objective truth. I disagree, but couldn't find words to express myself. I hate when that happens.
7. I keep praying to find peace and contentment, my trust in God knows it is there, even if I can't find it.
8. My son and his girlfriend are not living together and people seem surprised by this!
9. Prayers for some friends:
All my friends who are having cancer treatments
A colleague whose dad died
The group of our parishioners who are in Guatemala on a mission trip
T's mom who had a stroke
2. As I was trying to deal with that, some great things happened. My husband got a permanent teaching job at a local high school and we went on a short vacation. Our son and his girlfriend temporarily stayed with us and now both have found new places to live. So, now our nest is empty again. I'll miss them, but I do enjoy being alone with my husband. In some ways it makes us feel very young again.
3. Through all of this, I am constantly wondering what the higher purpose is in the trials we go through and why things change so often. Each change has a domino effect. Since my husband is working full time now, I have to do housework. Thankfully he still goes grocery shopping. It's not that I am incapable of doing housework, but now I have to think about it and remember to do it.
4. Sometimes I think God's plan is to teach me humility, other times I think it is trust. I think trust in him is so important and really that is what sustains me and tells me to not lose hope, even when that seems like the best option.
5. This week I am going to Dallas for a Stewardship conference. It will also be an opportunity for some quiet time and prayer time. There is daily Mass, excellent speakers, and time to meet new people. It renews in me a sense of purpose in regard to my ministry, which is always a good thing.
6. Someone said that in our course of study over the last 3 1/2 years she has learned that there is no objective truth. I disagree, but couldn't find words to express myself. I hate when that happens.
7. I keep praying to find peace and contentment, my trust in God knows it is there, even if I can't find it.
8. My son and his girlfriend are not living together and people seem surprised by this!
9. Prayers for some friends:
All my friends who are having cancer treatments
A colleague whose dad died
The group of our parishioners who are in Guatemala on a mission trip
T's mom who had a stroke
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)