Home Improvement; Soul Improvement

This year one of our goals has been to get our house to look a bit more polished and tackle some projects that need to be done.  Quick list:  vertical blinds, replace screen on the patio, paint the front door, and give the yard some love.  In my active fantasy life I also somehow clean out our garage.  Some small things to need to be done like clean out some kitchen drawers and cabinets and re-cover window valences. We also decided to get new furniture for the living room. 

It is all coming together and going according to plan.  Except the furniture.  We picked it out on Dec 29 and were told it would be in the warehouse in about a month and then delivered right after; so maybe six weeks tops.  I was not thrilled but could live with it.  I do not have my new furniture.  I have called twice looking for the furniture.  The first time I was told in a week or so it would be delivered.  Then, I saw the charge for the furniture on my bill which made be suspicious since I was not going to be charged until I actually had the furniture in my house.  So I called again.  It still has not been delivered to the warehouse.  I am not happy.  I dislike being strung along and told I am not reading my bill correctly.  I think when living room furniture is under the Am't due column it is pretty obvious.  

So what is the point of my diatribe?  I think I am supposed to learn a lesson here about not needing things to be perfect.  My couch now has a cover on it that needs to be replaced and I don't my family to see it looking like that when they come over for the anniversary dinner.  It's silly, it's my family, they have all been to my house before and being together, followed closely by how good dinner tastes, is more important than my couch.  But I want to impress them.  So now I am forced to wait for my couch and swallow some pride when they see my old couch instead of something new and pretty.  

It is difficult for me to believe I am appreciated and loved for myself and so making sure my home is as good as it can be is one way for me to make sure I am valued.  Why?  Well, how about this quote from my grandmother in regard to a young woman she had met, "She's not that pretty, but she keeps her house very nice."  I can't recall who she was talking about but I knew the person and thought it was a mean comment.  I also wondered if this woman was very pretty in my grandmother's eyes could she keep a messy house?  For a long time I was a cause of despair since according to some family members I was not that pretty nor kept house well.  

So the couch brings up past hurts and feelings of disappointing my family.  It is a couch though, not a reflection on me as a person.  I am much more than a clean house and tidy garage.  While I know this in my mind, it is harder for it to reach my soul.  

My plan of attack is to spend more time with the one who loves me unconditionally.  For we are all his own and loved more than we can imagine.