Voices

This year I am trying my hand at virtual teaching.  I took a class called Digital Discipleship Boot Camp over the summer and was asked to join the team.  I agreed and now I have to produce.  I will be doing a presentation on Blogging, which is a good fit (we get to choose our topic) for me.  The power point was done already so I just need to edit it a bit and make sure links are working on the various platforms we use for instruction.  I am fine with all of this.  

Until two weeks ago when I was the producer and had to record the session done by another team member.  And then Jennifer mentioned her "man voice" and I realized I was going to be recorded.  And worse, my presentation will be done via the internet and I'm sure my voice sounds different, as in not like I'd want it to, than in person.
Here's the thing, when I have a cold, men have told me my voice sounds like a 1-900 operator.  I don't ask how they know this and you need not either; I just go with how they imagine she would sound.  My voice is a bit throaty all the time.  I have a friend who is a speech pathologist and she asked me if I wanted to work with her to fix my voice so I am not making this up.  I now think I should have said yes but it's too late.
What if I sound manly?  What if the group think my voice and picture don't match?  What if I have a voice for silent movies?
"It's too late to back out now", she said in a whisper.

Retraction

On Monday I posted this; I was wrong.  I forgot that my husband was starting school again!  He is taking Sacraments, Theology of Preaching and something else this semester.  Sacraments is Wednesday night and the other two are on the weekend.  We bought school supplies too, notebooks for a penny each.  He bought six and says they will last him until he finishes seminary.  At least I think that is what he said; clearly I am having recall issues!  At any rate, I'm retracting the statement that no one started back to school.  The thoughts and feelings though still stand.
So, I worked late, ran an errand and then had dinner all by myself.  The house is quiet and I have plenty of things to do, but I just feel like sitting and enjoying the lack of activity and noise.  Of course, that's if I can get the voices in my head to stop.  I have some writing to do for a brief (2 minutes) talk on Adoration for Sunday and an almost finished wall hanging calling out to me. 
These last few days it seems as if solitude has become very important to me.  Considering I am an extrovert in the extreme, I'm not sure what is going on but I am accepting this need and catering to it when I can.  So, I'm going to be alone now.  See you soon.

Back to school, so what?

Today was back to school for many, but not anyone in my house. I pondered this and realized that since 1963 one of us has always started school on the first day of school. For the record, I didn't start school in '63. Even when I graduated college, I started school because I was a teacher. Then, we had children, who started school every first day. Some years, we all started back to school together.


It is bittersweet, for certain, this no new start. I always liked cleaning and packing up at the end of the year and then starting fresh at the beginning. There was a defined time to purge the old and bring in the new. Now, I work all year round (like a grown up, ick) and I know I can clean my files, bookcases, and desk whenever I want but it's not the same as everyone doing it together.

It is also a very real reminder that raising my family is over. Of course, I can follow in my mother's footsteps and obsessively worry about my young adults, but I choose not to, mainly because it causes wrinkles. Even now, my mom's first words to me after hello when I call her usually are "What's wrong?" So, I try not to worry. I am in transition, even though no one has lived here at home full time for the past four years, this empty nest takes getting accustomed to for many reasons. Sometimes it feels just right and other times I am baffled at how quiet things are and how tidy the house stays.

I like change when I have a plan as to where and what, this time there is no plan. I am waiting on God to reveal it to me. I suppose I could say I'm in his school, waiting to be shown to class.