After 26 years of marriage, one would think I had the wife thing figured out. I don't. Now, I like being married and my husband is happy I am his wife. It's just my role as wife is so not conventional and it bothers me but I can't seem to change it. It began way back when I worked full time when our children were very young and my husband worked part time and really was responsible for taking care of the children and home. For example, he took our daughter to her baby check-ups from 2 months on, had her ears pierced at her 4 month visit, home schooled our son, and did the grocery shopping, laundry and volunteered in their classrooms when they went to school. He worked part time on and off and then for a bit I worked part time and he worked full time and then, there were times when we both worked full time. So, I had what seems to most women an ideal situation, I could leave home and not worry that things would fall apart.
When the children were young and home, there is always enough for both husband and wife to do in terms of taking care of home and children, especially when both parents are working.
But, the last few years, our children are no longer home and my husband was not working much. So, I basically stopped doing anything around the house. I still cooked and occasionally stopped at the store or we went shopping together. I would tidy and dust but vacuum, laundry, cleaning bathrooms were not on my list.
Now, my husband is back working full time (Praise God) and now I have to be a wife again. And it is an awkward adjustment. I've become accustomed to not having to cook dinner or clean up or scrub the toilet. But I have to do it, and maybe I should have been doing more of it all along. But, I cannot go back in time.
I realize that this is small part of what being a wife entails, but I find myself surrounded by mainly 2 types of women these days. The woman who serves her family by taking care of their every need; her goal to make her husband and children content or the woman who does not do this because she for various reason she has no one to take care of at this time. Even women who work full time, with or without children, seem to have very little help from their husbands in taking care of children and/or family. And so I feel like I am being a less than perfect wife because my husband takes care of things around the house and can fend for himself.
Part of this insecurity I have stems from the fact that I was never a stay at home mom who could focus solely on my family. I am also struggling with the whole deacon's wife role, though I know it is far away. People keep wanting to discuss it and some people think my husband is different now.
This is a time of transition for us, our son is on his own, our daughter is still in college, but more independent, I am finishing my degree, he will be starting his, and I am trying to figure out who I am in all this change. There is a part of me, a small part, that wants to stop working and focus on being a wife full time. However, that's not really practical. I am going to have to figure this out based on my real life circumstances. I wonder how long it will take?