Advent, Day 3

"Do not harden your hearts as at Meribah, as on the day of Massah in the desert. There your ancestors tested me; they tried me though they had seen my works." Psalm 95:8-9


"You will see his glory within you; the Lord will dawn on you in radiant beauty."
Liturgy of the Hours


I woke up after a restful night's sleep with thoughts of work flying all around my brain. And I am on vacation, which means I should not be thinking about work, but about my own personal business. Which, by the way, there is plenty of to think about. So, I make a cup of tea and sit to pray and am hit by the above. I am hardening my heart in regard to seeing his glory within me. I know it in my head, I tell others all the time, but I live in the place that says, "I am not worthy." So, just in case it's true, I harden my heart against God and of course prove myself correct that there is no glory within me. There cannot be glory unless I open myself up to him who can do all things.
I am spending time in prayer to discern what I am to do, what is my vocation, my next step on the journey. I am also writing my final course paper which requires me to look back to where I began, see the present and also look forward to where I am going. I am currently in the present part of the paper. It is amazing to realize how much we are influenced by our past and by our thoughts of possibilities in our future.
It is actually helpful to be doing this now, as I think it is assisting in my discernment.