Can you schedule a mid-life crisis? How do you know if you are having one? Do you come out of it better than before?
I think I am having a mid-life crisis. At first, I thought, no I am way too young, but seriously, though most of my family members have lived long lives, will I really make it to 92? I suppose I could, but I think I am pretty close to my mid-life. Ugh. Does not sound good at all.
I suppose it began when I finished my master's degree in December. But I was busy with Christmas and fundraising events at work so I didn't have much time to reflect on my life. But all that slowed down, gradually, and I have arrived at this point where I have many evenings free in a row and so I ponder my life.
Hmmmmmmmmm, that's when the crisis started. The more I pondered the more I felt like all my good intentions as to who I would become and what I would accomplish in my life had amounted to very little. And, even more upsetting, my future does not look to great either. I mean, my children are grown and though I help them when asked, the day to day care taking is gone. My husband is in the diaconate formation program and though I occasionally accompany him to activities, it is very much as "spouse" it says so on my name tag. Really, it does. So, what do I have?
Health concerns, that's what I have. Nothing serious, yet. However, if I don't take care of it now it will become serious. I am pre-diabetic and must lose weight and exercise or I will become diabetic. It is preventable and I am going to do my best to prevent it.
My mental health is also a bit precarious, but not so easily definable as the physical.
So, what's the plan? I like to make plans. I have taken some time off from work, though I will go in on Sundays and a few evenings for meetings and so forth. No need for the mail to pile up since I am right around the corner. I am going to go to Mass, exercise, and kick some bad habits. Every day. I am considering St. Ignatius Spiritual Exercises which I have done but think it may be time again. And I am going to learn how to deal with stress, mainly, how not to take everything so personally. It is a huge problem for me and since stress makes me want sugar, it is a vicious cycle.
So, can I be happy about this mid-life crisis? I am happy, sort of, so maybe it's not a crisis but a renewal? Who knows?