Surreal

Parts of my life have taken on a very surreal quality.  Namely, the heart wrenching, inexplicable, painful parts.  Some days all I hear is painful news about lives being torn apart.  I have had a few of those in a row and am feeling numb.  I keep praying for strength and perseverance for everyone involved, but I do not let myself get too close to my own pain.  It's like an accident on the side of the road, you don't want to look, but you take that quick glance and say "Dear God, let them be okay."  Only now, I am saying it about myself.  I see the pain sitting there, glance quickly and then move away. 
But this is not a dream, it is real.  This Lent I am journeying not only with Jesus as he makes his way to Calvary, but also with a friend who is dying of cancer.  Each day brings her closer to the end and though I think I am prepared for the markers she is passing, when it happens I continue to wonder how we got here.  I'm sure the apostles felt that way also as they journeyed to Jerusalem with Jesus. My prayer is to be like Mary and stay at the foot of the cross.