This week has been very discouraging at work. Very few things went right. I'd have to say the only things that went well were RCIA and Bible Study. I keep trying to not have a pity party, but it's not working. Granted, it's not as if anything really awful happened, but heck, I work hard and would like to see some better results.
As I made my way to the ladies room late this afternoon, all these thoughts are swirling in my head and I'm feeling very sorry for ME. Now, on the wall before the door is a painting of Jesus being betrayed by Judas. Most people dislike this particular depiction and I am no exception. As a matter of fact, it used to hang in the room where I hold classes and I had it moved since I found it disturbing, but not in a good way. I digress, sorry.
As I open the door, I catch Jesus' eye or he caught my eye, and in my head I heard, "So, you're having a bad week?" in a slightly sarcastic tone. Can Jesus be sarcastic in your head? Well, he was this afternoon in mine. I've had hours to ponder what I am so upset about and what I'd like to tell Jesus. I want to tell him that I'm upset because people just don't put him first and they serve him half-heartedly and they can't follow the rules of the church and basically they are not even lukewarm but ice cold! Very whinnying aren't I? I'm sure I'll help lead lots of people to Jesus like this.
Back to the voice in my head and my bad week. So, people don't understand what the sacraments mean it's my job to help them learn. God spent the entire Old Testament repeating himself, why not me? So, people think Sunday Mass is optional. The apostles often had trouble understanding the point Jesus was trying to make, so he kept breaking down it into smaller chunks. So, people don't read or respond to emails and then complain they have no idea what is going on. But I keep thinking, aren't the people I work with more educated than the fishermen Jesus recruited? What's the problem? I am not articulate? Am I not clear?
I think there is a two-fold problem. 1. Church, Jesus, a faith life, etc is not a priority or even on the screen until someone needs something and then people go into crisis mode 2. when people are in crisis mode they are often not in a good listening mode.
By morning I will be able to focus more on the fact that in the end, the people who came to me were served with kindness and compassion and no one left angry. I just feel like a piece of me is missing at this moment. Not sure where it is either. Or what piece for that matter.
A positive note: the topic was Grace at RCIA, a favorite of mine. Then we had a conversation about a child creating a disturbance at Mass in children's liturgy. One of our candidates listened as the liturgy leader explained the problem, then she smiled and said, "So, that is not grace?" No, it's not but I'll need some Sunday when I talk to the parents:) She got "grace" so now I'll pray I get it too!